-[Secretive-emo.s]-

goodbye world..

2008-08-25T13:21:00.002+08:00

Hello world!

I've moved on with life and I've shifted. Tell me if you wanna know my new house. (: LOVES!

Hello boy it's been awhile, guess you'll glad to know that I've learnt how to laugh and smile.

2008-03-12T17:34:00.003+08:00

euphoria;

Okay, yes i am very elated. overly that i am about to get hyperactivity. Two major things happened just less than an hour ago:

Elina called me!
___________

The level of happiness may seem overated, but I am really happy. Elina is one my best buddy, whom I have not heard from like months because we were both REALLEH busy with work and school and whatsnot. I thought I had to wait till mid april before I can hear from her, but, SHE GAVE ME A SURPRISE CALL just now. (((: She came back way before schedule to settle some adminstrative stuff, but I really wish you do not have to go Vancouver. On the other hand, I think its a good experience, but as contradicting as I always been, don't go please. Whatever it is, we MUST meet up SOOON.

And yes, ___. Great people. Great environment. Great job scope. Mediocre pay and benefits. So, why not? When opportunity comes knocking on your door, grab it. Only thing that I am still not very convinced about is the working hours; weekends burnt. Anyway, its non-contract based..so just try first la hor? *Thanks to Silly pig, Ling, Gf, Hon, Hearts, Dear and parents for giving me advices and supporting my decision. KAI GONG DA JI! *

Hellavu~ Bless me on my FIRST EVER full-time job. Yumseng.

2008-03-10T12:11:00.003+08:00

My contrast;

It's been 2 weeks since I can wake up at 12pm on a monday for the first time. Yes, fLAIr (MOE's Research) has come to a stop for now, so has the help I'd rendered in Kids E. I was so involved with children; expats chn, local chn, young chn and older chn. (:

Those 4 days at Kids E. was so funjoyful, it's the first time when the time wasn't all so draggy, and no, i actually didn't feel like going home how i usually want to. Prolly it's because I am assisting Dinah, so the entire thing was not as serious as how I need to be if it was to be another teacher I don't know of. I've learnt of many sad stories behind those innocent smiles, cries and laughters of some children. Parents, seperated and divorced. Parents, faraway, haven't been seeing their child for a long time. I am, very sad and heartbroken for them. I can see from their eyes, how much they miss their lost parents, how much they longed for the warmth and hugs, how much they want to look into their parents' eyes and say, "Papa" or "Mama".

On another note, Clementi (his nickname from me) was crying continuosly one of those days and we realized he was running a fever. I carried him in my arms, and he kept struggling and screamed, "Mama take me!" My tears almost fall, I don't understand, but can feel the pain he may be feeling. I took him to a corner with big cushions and put him to bed. I pat him and stroke his forehead to make him go to sleep. Yet, he suddenly opened his eyes, turned to my direction, look at me and said sweetly, "I like you." At that moment, feelings that overwhelmed me were undescribable. I quickly went down to him, kissed his forehead, and whispered into his ears, "I love you." and he gave me the smile that always make my day. I really love you, Clement. Be good, Teacher Maxine will see you again on friday ya? (:

It's weird and contradicting how much I don't want to work in a childcare, yet I want to be attached with these children. I am really sad over the fact that I can't stand working in a childcare. What a statement. But, say I am biased or what, I know I can work and will even love working at Kids E. However, Elaine doesn't need me now, maybe never? And my beloved mentor, I miss you already. Haven't got a chance to talk to you for long because I always had to rush off for fLAIr. I am sorry. Friday, we will chat, catch up, reminisce, hug and all.

I love children. I love my friends. I love you.

2008-03-04T00:17:00.002+08:00

Most of my friends around me have started work already, but I am still yes, sort of unemployed. It's not that I don't know what I want to do, I do know but sometimes you just don't get what you want. MOE research have came to a half full stop already, because today is officially my last centre to attend to, but I still have one absent boy to follow up with and the October's Post-test.

Tomorrow till Friday, I will be helping out at KidsE. Farrer Rd from 830-1300. Fyi, that is my yr2 attachment centre and I can proudly announce it's my favourite centre. Will be "reuniting" with my 2 fellow friends from my batch, as well as my daughters and sons, and my beloved mentor, Elaine.

Regarding the gym job I mentioned in the last post, let's just say I could have gotten the job if I hadn't promised Elaine I would help her. Okay you may think I should have been partial enough to weigh the importance of these 2 options; yes the gym job carries more importance if you are talking about the monetary and advancement of it all. Yet for me, I chose to give that up for now and keep to my promise because I need to be reciprocal and responsible..

Elaine has played a very great part in my life tho I've barely known her for three years. She is one of the lady whom motivated and inspired me so much, just like how Nick did. To me, she is not only a mentor, but my friend, my confidante, my advisor, my counsellor (and technically she is one). She was the only mentor who would warm my hands with hers when I was nervous, introduced and treated me to teh-tarik ice cream and Macdonalds, addressed me as "My friend", hugged me goodbye, calls me "This fellow" when I say silly things, advised me on a mentor and friend point of view, says "I miss you" and "Visit me soon" when I sent her random SMSes, and most importantly, gives me the most genuine smile you can ever can from a mentor.

If after reading you guys still don't understand my reason for wanting to help her out as and when she needs me, nevermind. (: I hope you meet someone this special in your life someday and you will get it.

At the same time, I feel nervous too. It's like, entering/trespassing a familiar place with familiar faces whom most probably treats you like strangers now. Contradicting and conflicting. But I promise I will have a good time because I will be assisting Dinah with her todds and she is my yr2 attachment partner, just that now she is being employed as a full-fledged teacher.

Hellavu to me, and to you too. Good night humans!

2008-02-25T14:40:00.003+08:00

I have this tendency to forgot and be lazy about updating my blog, what a bad habit. I am here now because I am home with nothing better to do except to wait for my courier delivery (will go more in depth into this later in this post). Also, Ling has been bugging me to update because of somethings, so I need to blog.
`
Some things that happen for nearly the past one month:
- Escape from CNY in Singapore to Batam. Stayed in Harris resort, did Milk Spa which supposedly to be Chocolate Spa I think the person heard wrongly.
- First ever Zoo trip with Ling and Daryl. Had lotsa fun tho someone nearly spoilt my day. *Hrm, ling you know who i'm referring to ya*. Thanks to bro who took lots of professional photos for us, love them!
- 3CO1's first ever BBQ cum graduation gathering. Tho turn up rate wasn't great, but it was a great night for those who came! Hope you guys enjoyed yourselves, and oh, EZB.COM provides GREAT service! Very efficient,helpful, and most imptly YUMMY food! *3 thumbs up for ezb.com.
- Couch-potatoed at silly pig's house for a few days, had silly pig cooked for me. *beams
- Dimsum and Balcony v-day with gf, silly pig and 3 other of the usuals.
- Watched "Kungfu Dunk" with silly pig at Vivo Gold Class movie theatre! Heaven in there, treated like queen. (:
- Went to watch Chingay 2008 live for the first time with silly pig! Had some issues with ticketing but we got in successfully. Chingay was really gay! ((:
- Finally met up with my 31st councils, only a few turned up tho but had such fun time. As always, we are like bangalas, sitting in the middle of the bridge drinking and playing cards.
`

That's some of the memorable endeavours bah, I've got stm, can't expect to rmb alot tho. =X

Recently, have (or am going to be) been occupied with FlAIR. I've signed up with my lecturer, to be a research assistant for MOE. Details of what is the research bout, I'd better not reveal here since it is quite confidential. Anyways, will be going into various childcare centres from tmrw onwards to conduct somethings with the children. Wish me all the best! and oh, the courier delivery is some forms needed for the research, and it JUST reached me. haha ((:

On the other hand, I went for an interview this morning at UE square for a fitness trainer job at a kids' gym. The environment seems good, with quite friendly trainers. The interview went on good I supposed. Shall wait for the lady's call for further arrangements.
`

Am gonna call hearts up soon since I can meet her already. And to silly pig, I hope everything will be well okay? You'll be fine, safe and sound. *hugs.

Alrights, I gotta go off now. Hope my post ain't too boring. Till I post again, seeya!

2008-02-15T17:29:00.002+08:00

many-a-time;

There is this sudden urge for me to acknowledge few important people in my life who has left bits and pieces memories in my life. Some of them I meet only once in a few months, some others I see them almost everyday, some I don't contact as much. Yet, I am always remembering and missing you guys even tho I don't say. Many thanks and love to :

GF- Chia Xinyi (8 years and counting huh)

My dear- Coco Hiu (where's our hum date?)

My best buddy aka Darling- Elina (Must I really wait till mid april?)

Ling-a-ling-a-ling- June (More photoshoots to come!!)

Honnie- Yanyan (More bubbletea and yoghurt and milkshake!)

Lovelove- Xueli (chipster and my cheese tofu leh?!)

Hearts aka twin thinker- Wenhui (heal faster so we can hangout ok?)

Sweetheart- Dora (Stop bumping into busstop seats =X)

*If only you acknowledge my importance to you too... if only...

2008-01-20T00:51:00.000+08:00

<3

As long as stars shine down from heaven
And the rivers run into the sea
'Til the end of time, forever
You're the only love I'll need
In my life, you're all that matters
In my eyes, the only truth I see
When my hopes and dreams have shattered
You're the one that's there for me

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

Chorus:
Imagine me without you
I'd be lost and so confused
I wouldn't last a day
I'd be afraid without you there to see me through
Imagine me without you
Lord, you know it's just impossible
Because of you
It's all brand new
My life is now worth while

I can't imagine me without you

When you caught me I was falling
Your love lifted me back on my feet
It was like you heard my calling
And you rushed to set me free

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

When I found you I was blessed
And I will never leave you
I need you

I can't imagine me without you

2008-01-17T21:43:00.000+08:00

Lifewalk;

I think report-writing has become so part of my life, that words (that I've long not used) start churning out of my peasy brain one by one. Hope my fingers and mind don't just stop here though. Anyway, for those who didn't know, i am walking through my last 2 weeks or so of Poly life. Sad i would say, in fact, very. These 3 years has been such a up-down-left-right kind of journey. Will dedicate a long long post to mark the end when i finally graduate. For now, i am trying to capture any captivating moments left for me.

Back to report writing, life has been exceptionally hectic, packed, quite enjoyable, and mind-wrecking. It's like you have been using lots of energy to climb a mountain and finally you are just that few hundred steps to reaching that peak, suddenly heaps of rocks and hurdles are awaiting you to overcome them, for the last breath you may have.

I, or rather my entire lovely batch of ECH, is kind of at such stage. However, i believe all of us are coping well. C'mon, we survived all shits, what's this right people? ((: Anyway, call me crazy or something, but in the midst of such tight schedule, i'm really lovin' it. At least, work eats up those free time, which i usually spend thinking of unnessary negativities. In the contrary, it also means i have almost no time to spend with people i want to, and even find it hard to squeeze time out to get my formal wear for FINAL PRESENTATION NEXT FRI! P.S ECH GIRLS and 9 BOYS, THIS IS YOUR FINAL CALL!

okay I realized I have spent too much time here and i seriously need to go now. abrupt but sorry will continue when i can. Meanwhile, hang on people. people working peoply studying people climbing like me. takkaires!! =DD

2008-01-12T16:22:00.000+08:00

History;

the second time Mr. P showed us the video of Nick, i cried less. yet, i realized much more even tho 85% of what he says was the same as the previous one. When you fail, what do you do? Do you believe that at least someone in this world, sincerely feels that you are beautiful the way you are? He does, Nick does.

Well if each time I fail something, and I want to try again, can I really do? Will there be really another chance for me? I feel so tired, not those lethargy where I can gulp furiously 10 cans of redbull to wake myself up. It's, internalized. It feels as tho, i can't differentiate between the pain inside, and an external pain. It is equally throbing.

No matter how long and hard i need to stand up from this, no matter how you think i am trying to avoid, i just need time. I don't know why, each time i blog an entry, it is something negative.

If only i could turn back time, there would have been alot of decisions i would change. however, what's done could not be undone.

2007-12-14T13:51:00.000+08:00

Coco Lee- 第九夜

自以为是的从容

不想你把心放空

却忘了旅行终究得回头

我在回来时把倔强遗忘在入境的门口

再也无处可躲满身的失落

在这第九夜

没有你的我终于开始感到寂寞

过去这期间我的无所谓全都是谎言

过了第九夜

我想用一切回到十天前的世界

想念那窗外却已天黑天黑

在这第九夜

没有你的我终于承认我好寂寞

过去这期间我的无所谓全都是谎言

过了第九夜

我终于了了解幸福盛开在十天前

想念全世界却已天黑天黑

Most of the times, songs seem to be able to express your feelings more than you telling the story.

2007-12-14T00:21:00.000+08:00

At times like this,you feel like you are all alone.
At times like this, you wish you can sleep forever and wake up realizing everything is a dream.
At times like this, you know you have to hold back those tears because there's other important things that are waiting for you to complete.
At times like this, you just wish someone will extend their hearts out to feel how you feel.
However, at this minute, you find that ultimately, every single strength, every little energy, every single tear, falls.

Sometimes I blame anything for everything. Yet I know this is just a form of escaping reality.Blame nothing, blame no one,blame yourself.

2007-12-01T15:57:00.000+08:00

Good day everyone!

yes, finally i am back alive. I apologize for being missing in action for such a long period of time. I just needed some time to be completely away and unaccountable for; i'm sorry for this selfish act. However, I thank those who has been persistent in checking this page every now and then, and tag to remind me that hey, it's time to update. Well, here i am. Hello peeps! (:

___________<3

For the past one month or so, so much has happened to me. It has been one of the rockiest period of my life, and I finally experienced what it is when the saying goes, "Life is like a roller coaster". I must say, this roller coaster ride hasn't been a fun and exciting one; but, it has taught me way more, and i've grown (mature or immaturely) definately. I can't really explain all that has happened, because somehow i don't wish to remember much of it, much less to talk about it.

___________<3

Rest assured that things are back on track now, and I (or we) will try to make situation stay this way now. Sometimes, I still do feel the aches, the negativity, and then comes the silent tears. Of which, I am able to smile much genuinely now. I hope it is...

Regardless of whose fault is it, who should take the blame, what has caused me (or we) to be this way, whatever it is, everything is over. I never like to rake up the past now, thus, please don't ask. Thank you for understanding and respecting me. (: It takes two hands to clap, and everything that happens, happen for a reason. Prolly, the reason is me.

__________<3

To the world, you may only mean one person. But to one person, you may mean the world.

yes, i know this is a saying everyone knows. Yet, it had never struck me so strongly, until it came out of my lecturer's mouth. Do i mean the world to you?

_________<3

P.S To people who once had the intention of commiting suicide, give up your life and everything, feel like a total useless loser, at this moment, please slap yourself. (I did it few weeks ago) When you're done with slapping, go to youtube, and search for "Nick Vujicic". This wonderful guy has taught and motivated me so much. Thank you Nick, for being so strong.

2007-10-22T22:46:00.000+08:00

when i say;

I love you.

I'm sorry.

I understand.

I realize...

I need you.

I cry.

you're the only one who can make me do things right,

I am speaking from deep within

"you have the key to my heart,

to throw or to keep,you decide."

*Dear friends, I know I haven't been the usual me these few days. I am sorry but I don't know how to explain. I am just undergoing some emotional crisis, but i promise, everything will be fine again. Buy me sweets or peppermint junkies, or occassionally give me lil. hugs; I will smile. Yes i know, I'm acting like a small kid again.

2007-10-09T23:40:00.000+08:00

(This is so gonna be quite a meaningless, full of thanks, oh-so-attitude, emolicious and prolly depressing post. If you don't want to get your mood affected, scram. I AM A UBER DEPRESSED PERSON WITH FREQUENT YET RANDOM EMO, SO?! I don't think it concerns you so if you choose to read, so be it)

Seriously, I have no comments regarding that matter anymore. It somehow, just keep recurring. But well everything will be fine, it is. My heart ain't bleeding, I am. I am not hurting, my heart is. I will put an end to all these, a full stop; a beautiful one.
`

For those who has been by my side all these while, worrying yet don't dare to ask, diverting my attention, I appreciate them lots. I don't know what can I do to show my gratitude to you people, but just know, you guys are bits and pieces of my life. You know who you are, I don't have to mention, right? (:

<3

__ * xinyi scarred . * says:
if __ is the acid to cause you to react
__ * xinyi scarred . * says:
then we be your neutraliser lor
__ * xinyi scarred . * says:
:)
__ * xinyi scarred . * says:
then you will stay at ph 8

<3s

144, chapt 294 150607 volare^^ says:
relax k. next time after tis week i riCh le i buy choco for u eh

"在另外一个没有我的世界自由的走"

2007-09-26T02:51:00.000+08:00

A very belated Happy Lunar Festival to everyone! (: For those who celebrated, hope you'd fun eating mooncakes (yea, sinful i know), playing with candles/fire sparklers, enjoying the company of family/friends. For those who haven't, it's okay! We always have next year, year after next, and so on yeps? Never is too late!

As for myself, I had a little celebration together with my ever-cute-but-not-so gf! Many couples of hours ago, both of us were seen lighting candles on the uneven platform. BURN BURN BURN~ Gf was so lovelove to me tho! Brought mooncake and agar agar for me! It was a pity however, that we weren't right under the bright round moon. Else, double love! Although it was a really short celebration (or not even so?), I am delighted. (minus away the pains) Once again, thank you gf for your company. xD

-spread your love, let it burn-

wish you were there with us. I miss our never-fail-to-visit routine place. Promise made up there, will never be forgotten. Beside me, was your familiar face, a familiar feel.

2007-09-21T17:52:00.000+08:00

See what I meant when I always say "happiness is short-lived"? I thought I was having negative thoughts when I typed that saying down, but time and again, this phrase seems to be shooting its arrow back at me. When I'm starting to feel this bit of happiness(how vague), I tried my best to hold back the bad premonition. Despite my effort, the bad still befalls. Probably, I can never, be the beholder; not even a word.

Expectations and promises, seem to stand on the same line even though they mean totally different. "I don't expect you to promise." Yet, "I promise myself to expect you to know." Am I being unreasonable to say this? Am I being too selfish to expect you to do little sacrifices for me? Is it so difficult? Or, should I use the word "worthless" on myself?

When rationality-buddy come knocking into my senses, I struggled. I gasped for air, but it felt as if I'm breathing in CO2 and out oxygen; I died. There's this lovely angel and red-hot devil debating among themselves in my body, I no longer am myself. I've lost the ultimate control, I drop-dead. I surrender. I compromise. I smiled. (R.I.P)

To both of you, my deepest regrets. my sincere apologies, I'm sorry. You are not obliged to comply to what I want, thus, do what you deem fit and right. (: Stay glee. Laugh the happy smiles...

-while I cry my happy tears-

I am okay, already. Don't ask me how I'm feeling, my answer will be, zilch. Tomorrow the sun will shine brightly and stupidly still, i am awaiting..

(Don't pretend to be concerned about me when you jolly well don't. I only know your existence and that's all. I never hate people, don't be the first one)

2007-09-15T16:16:00.000+08:00

Unrequited;

Couple of days ago, GF asked me a very simple question which she'd no answer for herself for. "Are you happy?" Likewise, I do not know why, but I was stunned for words. All we probably could say was, "I am not sad." Why? This is such a common question, yet, I can't find the answer to it.. What is happiness? Can anyone tell me? Or is it, I'm too afraid to accept happiness, because happiness to me, is often gone even before you really experience it. (at least for me)

That night at East coast park with love, you made me realized how contented I should be. At least, I never need to worry about the neccessities of life; I've got a great family, a comfortable living condition, good food, nice clothing, able to be spendthrift once in awhile. These are things that some of my friends around me do not get to enjoy, so what more can I ask for?

However, I realized that as I try not to take them for granted, I am actually (stupidly) fretting over external factors, like friends. I need not elaborate on this part, but, I ought to know I am very lucky to have at least that one silly girl whom stayed by me for the past 7 years. *GF, thank you. Though I often get angry with you over minor things, though we once had a bad past, though sometimes I do not agree everything that you say or do, but still, thank you!*

Love, thanks for making me realized that I am very xing fu already. All along I knew this fact, but yet, fortunate doesn't necessarily equates with happiness. One day, when I know and really feel happy, I will tell you. (:

I had once,

an untold bad childhood past.

Till now,

it has never stopped haunting me.

I am sorry,

but to be able to walk out of it,

seems impossible..

I am constantly trying,

thus, please wait.

2007-09-10T23:35:00.001+08:00

Recently, I seem to have lost the inspiration to write/blog.. wandering thoughts as usual, couching away. Prolly, I will stop writing very soon..maybe, I will just leave my feelings within myself. Now now, I am lost for words already; hence, the following lyric is to make up for readers of this page. If you are in love, those words would definately bring you on another journey of emotions. If not, feel the words; they are beautiful. Enjoy~ (:

Till the end

all this precious moment

with you by my side

must be a gift from heaven

that's holding me all night

i don't know how i found you

i am thankful that i have

that i have a love so true

to hold to keep to share

in my heart

i can no longer hold inside

all of the love i used to hide

i'll always be

with you until the very end

there is no world i've rather been

you are my life my soul my girl

and through the all

i know you come to see

that you're the one

till the end

all my friends around me

say you'll be gone too soon

baby i'm gona make them see

we'll find out way back home

in my heart

i can no longer hold inside

all of the love i used to hide

i'll always be

with you until the very end

in this world

there is no place i've never been

you are my life my soul my girl

and through the all

i know you come to see

that you're the one for metill the end

we'll always be till the end...

P.S Thanks you GF for sharing such a beautiful song with me. Hope you don't mind that I post this up too. (:

P.P.S May I dedicate this song to you.

2007-09-06T01:33:00.000+08:00

IT fair was fun and not so fun at the same time. Total new experience, new environment, new friends.. 4 days of work seem long in the midst, now that it's over..i am missing it. Love the busy yet fulfilling feeling I get. Thank you to the customers who had sucuumb to my persistence. Some lovely friends I've met along; you girls are added to my list! xD

Le Mon- Life's a little turn on

*big hug to gf and lovelove. and oh, my parents.

2007-08-16T00:30:00.000+08:00

Answer the following questions. I got this quiz from xinyi's blog, and then i saw my name there. So, here it is. =)

1.(the person who tag you is ...) Gf. she's lazy to really tag me tho.
2.(your relationship with him/her is ...) my bestest girlfriend for 6 years and going.
3.(your 5 impressions of him/her ..) mushroom-y, innocent, blurblur, trusting, petite.
4.(the most memorable thing he/she had done for you) she handmade a storybook about our frienship on my 18th birthday. (:
5.(the most memorable words he/she had said to you) you will never be easily replaced in my heart.
6.(if he/she becomes your lover, you will..) probably live on campbell soup for the rest of my life. :X
7.(if he/she becomes your lover, things he/she has to improve on will be) not to mislead people with her actions and words.
8.(if he/she becomes your enemy, you will...) live in torment. She's one of my daily drug.
9. (if he/she becomes your enemy, the reason will be ...) she sometimes hurt me without knowing.
10.(the most desire thing you want to do for him/her now is ...) make her happy everyday.
11.(your overall impression of him/her is ...) a harmless little girl.
12.(how you think people around you will feel about you?) crazy, loud and clowny.
13.(the character you love of yourself are ...) i enjoy making people laugh and laugh together.
14.(on the contrary, the characters you hate of yourself are ...) the intensive level of sensitivity in me.
15.(the most ideal person you want to be is ...) i love myself, minus away the sensitivity part.
16.(for people that care and like you, say something to them ...) I care and like you all the same!
17.(pass this quiz to 10 persons that you wish to know how they feel about you)(ranks not in order)
1. Casper
2. xinyi
3. Coco
4. yanyan
5. June
6. Melvin
7. ardi
8. wenhui
9. Elina
10. xueli
11.(who is no.6 having relationship with?) i wish i'd know!
12.(Is no.9 a male or female?) female. elina is gay if it's a man.
13.(If no.7 and 10 are together, will it be a good thing?) *shows bug teeth
14.(How about no.8 and 5?) that's absurd!
15.(What is no.2 studying about?) proud to be a future early childhood educator
16.(When was the last time you had a chat with no.3?) 10th august?aww i have good memory!
17.(What kind of music band does no.8 like?) I think she likes bon jovi.
18.(Does no.1 has any siblings?) 2 lovely sisters!
19.(Will you woo no.3?) ohmygod. woo as buddy can?
20.(How about no.7?) he is my poot buddy!
21.(Is no.4 single?) No. happily attached for 4 years and going.
22.(What's the surname of no.5?) LEE! we are the LEE family!
23.(What's the hobby of no.4?) sit around in a nice cafe chatting about things under the sky.
24.(Do no.5 and 9 get along well?) i don't think they will ever know each other.
25.(Where is no.2 studying at?) ngee ann poly.
26.(Talk something casually about no.1) she has a unique(funny) reason for her chosen name.
27.(Have you try developing feelings for no.8?) yayaya. she's my hearty hui!
28.(Where does no.9 live at?) tampines
29.(What color does no.4 like?) rainbow.
30.(Are no.5 and 1 best friends?) acquaintances.
31.(Does no.7 likes no.2?) they do not know each other!
32.(How do you get to know no.2?) through sec 1 orientation week.
33.(Does no.1 have any pets?) soon-to-have. Caspera. ><
34.(Is no.7 the sexiest person in the world?) omg. just...omg.

well are you screwed?

2007-08-13T02:14:00.000+08:00

Sometimes, when I want to be strong for myself, I would; no matter how much agony it could take.

But at a point like now, three words can make all my accumulated strength just tumble.

8 letters, three syllabus, 1 meaning. We all know what it is.

Eventually, the only one who could make my tears fall since just now... they are a bucket full.
for I believe, they are those words that cannot be spoken..

I Love You

*Girlfriends are still the best. Thank you Gf & Darling. (=*

2007-08-11T16:23:00.000+08:00

Archives;

and so, i was browsing around the blogsphere just now. I noticed something that daunted upon me. Why does certain people have the "archives" section in their blog, while others chose to take it away?(i'm assuming)

then, I looked at my long list of archives I have in my own space here. However, I didn't bother to click on them to read back the history of my life. Now, it has really left me thinking; What's the purpose of the existence of this section?

To me, I never really wanted to look back at my archives to purposely remind me of events or happening that I do not really remember. What's past is past. Whatever retains in your memory, let it be. If one needs to click back on that section and goes, "Oh, now i remember that this happen", then it's really pointless. This only reflects that your brain (or yourself) wants to have selective memory. At least, (for me) all that is being retained in me, are only pieces of life I really wish to remember.

Let me quote an example. If I only remember the happy times I have with you, and if I were to look back into my archives and read about those bad past we had, and then my memory of you is like intruded, what's the point? I CHOSE TO REMEMBER THE GOOD TIME WE SHARED.

I do not know if my message is being conveyed, but if at this point of time, you bother clicking onto my archives, please do not ask me anything. I only believe in my own memory, may it be beautiful or not-so-beautiful ones. xD

Afterall, life ain't a cassette of video;

You can't press the rewind button

needless to say, the replay one.

The only option we have,

is to save the files in our permanent harddisk.

This drive, is our brain.

Because memories that are stored inside,

will never be deleted or taken away...

2007-07-29T13:31:00.000+08:00

I stared into my blogger's white typing space for a long time, and I realized there's alot of things that I want to say, yet there's often consequences I have to consider ...

Perhaps, I think YOU should know how i've been feeling. All i want is what comes from within your heart; the truth. I hate living in torment, I hate living in a world of yes-this-is-the-perfect-situation-but-not-the-truth. I mean, I hope you know what I mean.

*Thanks Teacher W for bringing me to my "healing-swing". we shall, yes swing together again soon. <3s.*

2007-07-21T14:30:00.000+08:00

FIELD PRACTICUM ASSESSMENT BY SUPERVISOR IS OVER AND DONE WITH AND.....................................................................

I'VE PASSED!!

and actually,i am numbed. no feeling at all. all so neutral.

after one week of struggling and sleeping everyday at 3/4am,waking up at 7am, the stress became part of my body.

It(my body) broke down, fell apart. up till now.

and the above bold and capital words are to pretend that i am happy with it. but seriously, i think;

someone injected anaesthetic in me. (:

2007-07-08T16:40:00.000+08:00

These were those words

you said;

i am stupid because i don't know how to fight for my own happiness.

i am silly because i always think of the bad things that could come along.

i am naughty because i don't take my proper meals.

i am crazy when i laugh out loud to break the silence.

and then I replied;

you're everything i need.

2007-07-02T21:50:00.000+08:00

Today, attachment time seemed to crawl by like a little slow snail. 3 new kids in my class; one crybaby, one monkeyhands, one barbiedoll. They made the entire class go wild, some wanting to seek the attention they're afraid of losing..... and this scene, i seem to be looking at my own reflections; i fret losing attention too.

You made every 5pm a worth-wait

I felt a total shit-wrecked today. Nothing to look forward to, nobody to meet with. I realized how much i hate the loneliness attachment is "rewarding" me, it's those kind of lost of direction feeling. I am learning to be independent, and i must be. Regardless of what may happen, i just need to know, I will never lose the touch of you.

lippylappy.

2007-06-24T14:11:00.000+08:00

I LOVE

those hair which I always ruffled with to the style that I think looks perfect on you.

those eyes which looked deeply into mine when we exchanged words.

that nose which I love to pinch though it's always oily.

that lips which is as soft as fluff and each kiss melts me from inside.

your small body structure but each hug stops the time for me.

that pair of fair hands which hold on to me tightly everywhere I go.

YOU

Dancing in the moonlight.

2007-06-17T22:51:00.000+08:00

As I woke up on a bright Sunday morning, lying on my comfy zone, looking up the ceiling, hearing the birds chirping cheerfully outside the window grill... I'd realised;

I've lost the happy child in me

Things that used to make me a naive, joyful child during my childhood days.. are long gone.

Where's that excitement in me every Sunday, when I would wake up at 9am to watch the Children Tv Programs on Channel 8?

Where's that anticipation in me every weekends, knowing there will be little surprises or outings awaiting?

Where's that little joy in me, when my dad would buy my favourite cockles and durians and mangosteen, then we will sit on the floor with newspaper spread, eating happily away?

Where's those delightful happiness gone to? Was it meant to be that an adult-world has to be more complicated and messed up? Was it that I didn't cherish my good old childhood days? Was it that I am hoping fat that time could turn back? Or am I simple thinking too much as the number of my age adds on 1 each year? Prolly I no longer can be easily contented with things passing by me without my realisation? Will I be that happy again, if those days are back?

Now why the hell am i reminiscing my childhood? Or maybe.....

the child in me has never left.

2007-06-11T14:22:00.000+08:00

Okay, at this moment, please be happy for me that i am still surviving...

Attachment has started for the past one week. I don't know if i should count myself suey or smth.. was alrdy darn depressed that i got posted into a **** centre, with quite a **** mentor..and then she has to make things worst for me to assign me to the CUTESY but WORST group of all; Playgroup and N1s........

I mean, this age group is seriously fun and loving to play with.. and i know it tks more than 1 million brain cells and 3/4 of my body energy to know how to really tackle them. And i do not know if it's the same in other centres, but these toddlers and N1s in my centre are really realllyy realllyyy almost impossible for me to even get them to sit properly for a min during lessons.. Even the teachers themselves could not handle them, how bout me??!! FAIL LOR!

I may sound really exaggerating saying this, but i am serious when i tell you i get nightmares about them and my assessment...and i can cry over this fact each morning...........

Is God hinting me to give up? Or does He wants to test my preserverance? I am breaking down, mentally and physically... can someone just slap me and remind me bluntly that if i quit now...i am the stupidest person on earth?

but seriously,i am stupid all along.....

2007-05-29T00:01:00.000+08:00

Am currently looping an chinese oldies by Landy, "Zhu4 Wo3 Shen1 Ri4 Kuai4 Le4". I don't know why, but each rhythm and word is pounding me hard as if needles are piercing through me. No, not emo. Really.

I have a small little wish for my birthday this year. Well, it's like the first time i really wanted/needed something. OR let's put it this way: It's the first time i really want to wish for something. I mean, it's not as if all my other past birthdays, I do not wish sincerely. I did, but they are usual stuffs like............ (okay even if they are usual, i am not supposed to say out. Since people say wishes ain't meant to be mentioned.) -hope you guys know what's the "usual" stuffs are la. Fine, maybe my wish may not come true afterall, or maybe, shall wish it on my actual birthday..which is like...way too early...

Anyways, i want to say, i LOVE you people! i LOVE the world!

2007-05-23T23:59:00.000+08:00

TELL ME;

that I would be doing fine in my assigned attachment centre.

that no matter how biased the mentor is, I would be okay as long as I do my job.

that probably, the mentor would love me.

that I wouldn't end up contemplating to quit and give up.

that I would survive this 2 mths of ordeal with no fears.

that perhaps, these are just all my,

imagination

a nightmare

overheard rumour

i need the highest mighty You,

righy by my side now.

To provide me with,

the greatest strength and drive.

Lest, I'd vanish.

2007-05-22T23:33:00.000+08:00

Just reached home from Marina Sq with Coco! (: Went to watch Blades of Glory.. it's quite a hilarious movie, and i do recommend you guys who needs some good laughter to go catch it. Now i know what people meant when they say "Do not judge a book by its cover." The adv. poster looks kinda "orh biang", and i thought it would be a not-worth-to-watch kind of movie, but it turned out otherwise. xD

Anyway, we went for our yummy-but-sinful dinner at Jack's Place. We were in a dilemma to choose in between Spagheddies or Jack's place, so we stupidly had to toss a coin to decide. (; I have to say something here; PLEASE DO NOT LOOK DOWN ON YOUND ADULTS OF MY AGE! The fat-ass manager actually showed us really bad attitude when serving us and taking orders can! Coco and me felt as if he is telling himself, "Aiya these two young girls...no money one la...come here for what?" Like #$&!*@.. enough of him... both of us had Lobster Biquette, Escargots, medium-rare N.Z ribeye, and for dessert, Coco had Banana split while I ordered Peach Mala. (will post pictures up the next time)

and then we "lost" our way to the busstop at esplanade....(LOLS!)

i'm sorry to have disappoint you,

and dashed your hopes.

i hope;

you ain't blaming me for this.

2007-05-21T23:30:00.000+08:00

SWINGS...

give me the liberty to sit on it for as long as I want; it never chases me away.

allow me to defy gravity for at least a milli-second; it never fails to.

call for my inner and outer self to synchronize for that moment; it made me alive.

drive all negativities away for as much as I'd kept; it frees me.

will always be my bestest companion; my avenue to burst; my greatest comfort.

2007-05-20T17:56:00.001+08:00

went St. James for the second time with sixes; and two other "don't-know-why-they-are-there" people. supposed to be a happy day, but because of long waits and impatience, it wasn't such a happy start afterall. Still, it was a good night. (:

and the details of it all, i shan't go into it. (lols) All i can say is, I had an experience of my life. Once bitten twice shy. Never again will it happen, one time is more than enough.

Anyways, gotta thank dumbdumb and GF for taking so much care of me. Sorry to dumbdumb that the party ended up in the toilet, with me hugging the toiletbowl as if it's my bf. LOL! Thanks GF for putting me up in your place, letting me sleep on your sofa and stinking it real bad. THRIPLEthanks to you two once again!!

180507 was a special day. After one big U-turn, we're back to where we started from. It's a chapter continued. (:

this was such a familiar scene.

2007-05-14T22:13:00.000+08:00

i am sorry that this has to start abruptly, vulgarly..but.. WTF!!!!

the technology in my house seem to be going haywire, upside down, inside out. I can't blog using my lappy, which i am still wondering why...next..i realized people can't get through me on my msn. GUFFAWS~ I figured that my poor lappy needs to be send to the hospital. Now, on my good ol' desktop, I hope I can blog. (Since you're reading this, so thank God!) BUT, people still can't get through me via msn on my desktop!! Like TMD!!! I thought it's something wrong with the MSN server, but no, it seems like i am the only fellow here facing this damn problem. GOSHHHH....

nownow, to vent all my anger, i am binging on potato chips, something yummy yet deadly. I am so gonna get sore throat, then fall sick, then kaboom.... sorry for those grammar. I am simply too pek chek to care bout that... till then~ ciaos.

2007-04-29T23:17:00.000+08:00

Been hanging out with different people these few days..I find myself a jerk, because I can't even stay at home alone now. I will just end up thinking hell lots of nonsense. Well, actually right now, I am already. -gasp!

Anyway, huihui aka twin-thinker has been one of the best companion to me during my weakest days (now). Well, probably we are facing almost the same crisis, and we are thinking on the same note. Even silence itself means alot to us; for silence is beauty itself she says. Thanks hearts, for the time, your ears, your advices, your company, your laughters, and mostly, the piccies!! P.S Chocolate is my enemy now!

Today, went sun-basking at my favourite hotspot;Sentosa, with Poot* aka "NoBoDy" buddy. Felt so honoured because this is his first time there ever since five years ago..but i was a POOR tourguide! Lost our direction a few times, but haha, it was funny acting like tourists! I am (or rather we are) quite chao ta now...the sun STILL loves me faithfully! teehee~ OH YA! We'd our second round of sun-basking at Cafe'Del More! Damn cool place...you just need to buy one drink and you can enjoy lying on their comfy chair, swim in their pool, and best of all, bathe in their bathroom (this means no queuing at dirty, public toilets!). POOT!! we go again soon kays? you so need to darken your super white skin... =P

well..seriously up till now, i don't exactly know what i am thinking about. I seem to be okay for a few hours..then come at night..those negativities start pouring out. Was happiness really meant to be short-lived?

will you give me an answer;my assurance?

2007-04-25T17:43:00.000+08:00

There's a saying which goes, "Friends come in and out of life, and no matter how short or bad, they each leave footprints in your heart."

This is indeed, true enough. However, what does the word "Friends" stand for? I no longer understand. "Friendship" used to be a beautiful relationship to me. Now, it seems like a messed-up maze. I can't decipher it no more. Am i not good enough, that people can simply throw me aside? Or is it that I haven't give my best? It's not that I expect something more in return of what I have gave, but at least, show me that all I did, was worthwhile. Probably, I was just a plaything to you. Now since you'd decided to let go of me, I wouldn't insist. Goodbye, friend?

YGA said it's his loss, not mine. Yea, maybe. but it seems that i am taking it harder...

Anyways, thanks YGA for being there for me last night. Your voice and words lifted me up.. (:
-big huugs!-

my tears have dried up,like the ancient empty well.

2007-04-24T17:56:00.000+08:00

To that particular someone ; Well i know probably how much grieve you are going through now, or perhaps, it has turned into anger & hatred and nothing else more. But for goodness sake, this is MY blog and i have the right and freedom to rant anything i want. Please do not be so (whatever you call it) and think that i am writing bout you. Well it doesn't make sense at all since you never used to read my blog, and now, you start reading it and try to convince yourself that those entries are for you. -guffaws. Please, open your big eyes, do you see your name there? And oh, to YOUR beloved friends out there, ask them to shut their crap because they don't know anything and everything. even you, yourself don't know much bout what i am feeling now..so you and your friends have no right to comment bout anything. Oh so fake~

Yours truly.

Life is like a roller coaster. Indeed it is, but to those few who has never left my side..who has always been supporting me physically, big thank you. I know no matter how much you guys can do, at the end of the day, it still depends on myself to get myself out of these. I am, trying hard. Give me some more time..as long as you guys don't give up on me. =)

The Sexy Sixers;Darling(s);YGA;Girlfriend
you people rock the sky.

2007-04-19T00:45:00.000+08:00

Many say, i need time to heal. Some say, i am not alone in this. A few others say, i am not the worst human being on earth. A couple commented, they are in the same boat with me. But why? After a few days, i thought i will be alright? I thought i get over things fast? I though i will live on well? NO?! Am i wrong? Seriously, i know there are people out there who cares for me. BUT DONT HIDE CAN? where are you guys? come out! i need to feel you.. i need your support the most right now! I know i sound like some pathetic shit-ass-gaining-symphathy emo freak, but i dont care bout that right now, i just WANT you guys!

For those who REALLY cared and was there for me, THANKS! you know who you are..i don't need to mention. Huan nan jian zhen qing..i finally realized this saying. a big special thanks to my YGA!! you've been my best motivator and supporter these few days. you know i love you. XD

Well, to those whom i've spoken to;esp. wenhui. thanks for hearing me out.. we are in this shit-hole together..rmb u said u will climb out of this hole and pull me out soon? i am waiting. to those whom dont know what had happened to me, come and ask me if you care. if not, i thank you for reading this post anyway.

I hope i can survive...though my last bit of strength is draining away soon..i need that "tree" again. i need that sense of security. would you give it to me?? love me real, love me true, love me well...........

you said i can depend on you? YGA!

2007-04-17T12:34:00.000+08:00

i guess i have to write down my feelings here before i go bonkers, since there seems to be noone to be there to listen to me. (or perhaps it's me who do not know how to say out how i feel) Anyway, this is it. Another phase of my life. Another story ended. yet another chapter unveiled. Well, at this point of time, when i look around, i realised i am the only one lost in direction in this whole pile of shit. It's too much for me to handle. Or prolly before i made this decision i should know this would happen to me, and i ought to be prepared to accept it, face it, and live with it. Now, why am i breathing the empty air each day? I am suffocating......... Why do i wake up each day feeling that no one has noticed i am in that shithole beneath them? Why do i look up and only see darkness and not the light? Please pull me up, please shine some light to lead me on...

Maybe this is Fate, a destiny God wants me to go through. A lesson He needs me to learn from. I will be fine, right? People say tomorrow will be a better day, wouldnt it? I just hate this entire emotions; a feeling of emptiness, lost, and loneliness. Get lost seriously, because this is NOT me.

where's my guardian angel?
you said you will be, is it true?

2007-04-06T22:01:00.000+08:00

For those who didn't know, i've been working at E2 Lingerie shop for nearly two weeks already. Gotten this job through my uncle (and i shan't explain why because it may be too confusing to gasp).. and today is "officially" my last day of work..well i mean i'd actually "cheated" my supervisor's trust by saying that I have school stuffs to settle, thus have to quit. I know you guys must be thinking why did I quit just after 2 weeks? Seriously, there are a few reasons to it. Firstly, its way too physically and mentally torturing. We have no shifts at all; meaning I have to work the entire day from 10.45am-9.30pm, and its REALLY tiring because we have to STAND for the entire day. Secondly, I think the company has NO welfare at all. We can work everyday from mon-sun for consequtively 10 days and prolly get only a day off. THAT'S CRAZY ok!! This is only for me lah..my other malaysian full time colleagues havent had an off day for the past 1 mth..i was SHOCKED to hear that. Are they trying to kill people or what? Thirdly, i don't know if i am being hired as a salesgirl or a stocktaker? Half of my working days i'd been asked to go other outlets and headoffice to help to stock count. I mean, tmd! I applied for a sales girl job not a stocktaker okay! DO YOU THINK I AM A BALL WHICH YOU CAN KICK AROUND?! hello...wake up your idea.

anyway, i've never dreamt that i would actually go and sell lingerie..and its really an experiential journey; though short but fulfiling. Met some great colleagues and supervisors, and also ONE particular disgustingly idiotic bitchy in charge. Oh well you're lucky i didn't storm off that day. On top of that, meeting new and different customers has always been the only motivation and challenge to me. Some customers are really friendly and "shuang kuai"..they talk to you like some friend and trust your words. On the other hand, i've met a few whom was really unreasonable and particularly choosey.. plus i don't know if they are thinking in the right mind or just trying too hard. I mean seriously, who the hell don't know the policy that undergarments bought out cannot be exchangeable?! It's for hygiene purpose and stop being like a old bitch screaming for your rights. ITS NOT EVEN YOUR RIGHT for god sake. In addition, there are some customers who simply want to make a salesgirl's job more tedious..by going around digging for bras and undergarments from beneath the stack of them..making everything topple and messed up. It's not that we didn't offer to help you look for the size or something, and btw everything is NEW and FRESH..don't need to DIG like as if the other piece is made of gold or what right.. what's the diff between the top and bottom one?! The thing is, i won't stop you from digging..but at least show some courtesy by putting them back in the right order after you dig can?

well..now i am worried about my pay because they haven't credited my account..and hoping that Rose(my supervisor) doesn't call me up tmr and pretend to forget about my resignation.

i miss you

2007-03-22T23:01:00.000+08:00

I "bluffed" through to skip work yesterday and today, because i've got a date since long time ago. Went to St. James Power Station, with Xinyi, Casper and her few other friends. Was really fun going to a club on ladies' night, never even paid a single cent..but the drinks are kinda limited. Wanted watermelon martini and vodka lime also don't have, and seriously i don't understand why. They can let us have vodka ribena, vodka cranberry and vodka orange, then why not vodka lime? Is it that their limes are flew in from US or something? I think i will buy one big packet of lime from the market next time and squeeze in myself. ><

Anyway, Casper's friends are really crazy, playful and irritating! But a bunch of fun lots! (: I had vodka ribena(which taste weird i dunno why), vodka sprite(in exxhange of vodka lime) and a few cups of chivas( that's because the GUYS are really crazy). Went to the dancefloor for a couple of times also and i must say the crowd there are really friendly. We are all friends on the dancefloor (:

And yada yada, went home around 3am. Mum kept calling, but i am sorry i did not pick it up. Casper, thanks for offering me your warm outshirt...haha it was really warm. (:

i love st. james.

2007-03-07T12:47:00.000+08:00

I'm sorry to one and all that this has come super late. But hey, it's never too late to share my endeavours with photos right? Enough said, enjoy the not-so-professional pictures below!

P.S They are not in any particular order.

Say "Hi!" to me and my horse, Indolia!

Do you wanna horse ride by the beach too? VISIT BALI!

Family horses! Pretty, Indolia and Emma respectively from the left.

After 1hrs plus of horse-riding...

KISS GOODBYE TO INDOLIA!

Bid farewell to Bali; i will be back soon.

2007-02-19T12:24:00.000+08:00

Happy new year to readers!! =)

Ain't Chinese New Year supposedly to be a joyous festive which I often, as a younger self, looked forward to each year? Why does it seem to me now like a normal day, except that i get to wear new clothes, receive red packets, and take a good look at my "long-lost" relatives? (It's isn't a great thing to see them after all, well, i believe most of you know why) Yesterday when all my relatives are in my house, why do i feel so out of place? (actually, i've been feeling so since young. Can only express this thought out now when i realised the right words to describe) I don't want to hate new year, after all, everyone should be happy.

Yesterday, whilst i was sitting in a corner, i had this random thought:

-If you always think that you're still young, try living till the day you see your own heart-

2007-02-09T18:47:00.000+08:00

I can't believe that i actually blanked out during exams for the second time of my life. The very first time was during my O's Social Studies paper. Then and there, i'd always got this phobia that nightmare would happen again. Today, it did. Blame me for being over-nervous, probably i did not study hard enough. Whatever it is, it's over. Shall pray that it wouldn't happen for the last 2. Please God, God please....

i blanked out; my blank mind. xuete!
wereyouoccupyingmymind?

2007-02-07T11:30:00.000+08:00

As i was burning my midnight oil last, i heard this song playing through my mind. A song sent by a friend, but one that keeps replaying itself..

DREAMING OF YOU (Selena)
Late at night, when all the world is sleeping I stay up and think of you
And I wish on a star that, somewhere, you are Thinking of me, too
'Cause I'm dreaming of you tonight 'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me
Wonder if you ever see me, and I Wonder if you know I'm there If you looked in my eyes, would you see what's inside? Would you even care?
I just wanna hold you close; but, so far All I have are dreams of you So I wait for the day and the courage to say How much I love you Yes, I do
I'll be dreaming of you tonight 'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Than here in my room, dreaming about you and me
Ah, ah (Corazón) I can't stop dreaming of you (No puedo dejar de pensar en ti) I can't stop dreaming (Cómo te necesito) I can't stop dreaming of you (Mi amor, cómo te extraño)
Late at night, when all the world is sleeping I stay up and think of you And I still can't believe that you came up to me And said, "I love you." I love you, too
Now, I'm dreaming with you tonight 'Til tomorrow and for all of my life
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be Than here in my room, dreaming with you endlessly
Dreaming with you tonight (With you tonight) 'Til tomorrow, I'll be holding you tight
And there's nowhere in the world I'd rather be (Rather be) Than here in my room, dreaming with you endlessly <(I'll be dreaming)
Dreaming (Of you tonight) Endlessly (And I'll be holding you tight tonight) Dreaming (Dreaming) Endlessly (With you tonight)
Endlessly Endlessly Dreaming...

who, man?

2007-02-06T10:38:00.000+08:00

Finally back from Ubin, this time round, with lesser bites on my body. Probably my last camp with them, probably would not step in Ubin anymore, probably my last memory. Sometimes when i say i regret, i really do. But, when everything is over, i wish time would turn back. Sorry to you guys, if i am never always in the clubhouse; i have my reason to it. Sorry to girl, i failed to be part of your girl-power; but i enjoyed being with you. Sorry to my tms, if i failed to accomplish my task well; i am just so oblivious to things. Whatever it is, i hope you guys will carry on the spirit; our spirit of 31st....

i miss our last pushups, i love the way we teased each other, i miss being called max, i love our not-so-nice meals together, i miss how we put our hands together and achieve our targeted destination.. i love you, my abangs..

2007-01-28T12:10:00.000+08:00

Past few entries were rather random, and prolly, many readers are beginning to not understand my posts. Well...here's a normal one to make up for all the bewilderness.. =)

Friday night was out with Gf at Clarke Quay. Finally can have a night out after all the hastle and bustle of assignments. GUFFAWS. Settled at Asylum for a drink; Vodka Lime and Blue Lagoon for Gf. Nice nice~ after that we walked all the way to Boat Quay, and sat at some stairs in front of a bank. Finally persuaded her to do Tarot reading for me. For a person like me who never believe in Tarot, who wanted to try only for curiousity, actually find Tarot really amazingly accurate. It spoke my thoughts my doubts my questions. Must i really do what Tarot says before i find my leading light again?

YESTERDAY! which was Sat, went to SHE concert with my brother!! Wootss weetss~ Was a sooooooooooooooooooooooo last minute decision. We only booked the tickets on Fri Night! It was rather lucky that we could get the front seats, though was at the side of the stage, seeing mostly of their sideviews. BUT STILL!!! They are really really pretty! Special guests Fahrenheit and Sun YanZi were gorgeous and bubblelicious! The whole night was so HIGH..and the place im seated at was above a pathway where they have to walk through, and each time they need to go up or down the stage, i can see them clearly from the top. I never really go GAGA over SHE in the past, but now, i guess im in love with them. LOL!

This is the SHE "Yi dong cheng bao" concert stage on Sat, 27th Jan 07 at Sg Indoor Stadium.

-See the staircase? That is where they will climb up to the stage. So near yet so far!

Thank You Kor, for treating my to this wonderful concert!!

2007-01-23T23:33:00.000+08:00

Maxine is...

losing the last bit of her strength.

beginning to wonder what she wants.

trying to realize who really is she.

kiss my ass, lick my cheeks.

dilemma;

2007-01-23T00:57:00.000+08:00

Although this could be one in a trillion chances, i really want to thank you.

Thank you for giving me my motivation.
Thank you for making my heart skipp one beat.
Thank you for making my blood gush up to my brain.
Thank you for the chat...

Wakarimas?

Thanks gf, thank you u.

2007-01-17T22:46:00.000+08:00

lucky7'''''''''' project follow by test!! SIanz says:
y u everytime so fierce one

lucky7'''''''''' project follow by test!! SIanz says:
later guys dun like

Above, is an random msn chat with one of my guy friends, when he asked me that.

Well, suddenly it woke me up. I "box" guys on their chest and arms, i "hit" them with whatever i could, and i speak loudly to them (or everyone).

but......

i've forgotten how to keep my hands by my side.
i've forgotten how to speak softly.
i've forgotten how to be gentle.
i've forgotten how to smile sweetly instead of laughing madly.

all because....

i've forgotten myself. i've forgotten who i am. i've lost my soul.

i am forsaken.

2007-01-15T23:51:00.000+08:00

"The world still continue revolving, the sun still shines every morning, the birds still fly freely and the wind still blows, no matter how you are feeling."

yes, i know it's good to stay happy. but often, it's easier said than done.

Do not ask me why, when you see me sulking. I would appreciate your understanding.
Do not say i am nuts, when you see me laughing for no reason. That may be one true laughter out of thousand fake ones.
Do not cry with me, when you see me crying. I just need your little pat.
Do not leave me alone, even if i am with a hundred friends. I do feel lonely too.

..i don't wanna fall in love, till i know the love is true"

2007-01-13T23:06:00.000+08:00

Till today then i realised who you really are
Till today then i know how selfish people can
Till today then i discovered a new me
Till today then i want to tell you something

till today....

because-everyday-is-a-new-day.

p.s ihateyouforbeingsofakeandselfish.

2007-01-08T22:36:00.000+08:00

GO AWAY!

I MEAN, GET LOST!

You can NEVER ruin my life;

because i can never be bothered about you.

You've guts you say it in my face,

don't hide your words and turn around and smile at me.

becosyou'reanpretentiousbitch.

2007-01-05T00:29:00.000+08:00

A SINCERE MESSAGE TO MY GF..

Dear whoever,

i know these few days have been really hard on you, for all the shortcomings that had been happening. Happiness is short-lived, but i never expect it to end for you so soon. I have so much to say to you, but somehow, i can't tell you face to face because i might just end up crying in front on your face. I am sorry Mr. L didnt make my wish come true, i am sorry he failed to bless you. I am sorry that I am one of the many that made you pinned on high hopes. I am sorry i am sorry. I have failed to fulfil what a best friend should, because i failed to cheer you up, or be with you 24/7. However, i believe you are strong enough to pick yourself up, for you are stronger than me. Believe in me, believe in blessing in disguise. Take care, my girl. If i can, i will plant a sun in your horizon, so that your world will never be dark.

ineverknowhowmuchlovecando

tillthedayheblewyou.

Yours Truly

2007-01-01T12:55:00.000+08:00

HAPPY 2007 ppl!!! Yesterday went countdown wif <3 at orchard... our initial plan was to walk quickly to esplanade after our movie to catch the fireworks there. But sobss!! the movie ended only at 11.30pm and thinking that half an hr is never enough to WALK from cine to esplanade, so, we stayed at cine as there was another small celebration outside. But nonetheless, DEATHNOTE2 rocks totally! I love L!! On another note, my girlfriend is so so so blessed now huh. I am happy for you, hope my Mr.L has blessed you. well looking at situations now, yes it has.

Im so not gonna make any new yr resolutions. Seldom has it been fulfilled. oh well, let things come and go naturally. anyway it has always been better if you let nature takes its course.

Lastly, HAPPY NEW YR EVERYBODY! =))

2006-12-27T23:00:00.000+08:00

I walked past my blog-world,

and I found charlotte's web all over.

A stagnant piece of white sheet,

my random thoughts are here to speak.

Just came back from taiwan a few days ago. Frankly speaking, i miss the country alot. Not for the life;because it's hectic. Not for the people;because they aren't very friendly. Not for the common language;because more than often, they don't get us. It's just the familiar feeling i get each time. Five days are way too short for me. I haven't achieved my aim there. For each occasion where I can sincerely make a wish for myself, it has never came true. In my mind it holds 4 impt. digits;5566. In my heart it beholds one impt. name; "Tai Zhi". I knows it may sounds absurd, child-like, impossible. But i don't care. Let me be crazy, childish and wishful. No one knows how impt. is it to me just to look at him for a second, or spend money like free on his apparels.

On another note, Taiwan has really nice views if you were to go out to the suburbs. Tranquil sea, serene surrounding, beautiful weather, baby blue sky, heart-warming wind-blows. It is far more than the usual shopping or the local delicacies, it is a haven for me, minus away the natural disasters and people-riots. Talking about natural disaster, Taiwan had a serious earthquake yesterday. How sad. I hope everyone there is under protection now, or at least in a safe condition.

Taiwan, my second hometown.

2006-12-08T23:21:00.000+08:00

this post is going to be boring..but its just that i couldnt say enough "thank you" to these people who gave me a blasting 18th!!

Firstly, thanks to Dear,Yuki, Shulay,Delphine,Xinyi,Jiejun,Melvin,Peiqi, Sara, Cari, Van for sending me messages to wish me. Wishes are forever, i will always remember them.

Secondly, thanks to June and Huilin for your presents and card! and the 7 girls' clique for that wonderful cookies you guys baked specially for me! The sweet thought is deep rooted in my heart..

Thirdly, thanks to Yanyan and Xueli for putting up a great act for the ah beng belt and card sent right to my door. love you babes..!! i give you an award for the best leading actresses..

Fourthly, thanks to my beloved councils for going all the way down to clarke quay to give me a surprise and buying me the cake..! Thanks for the wishes written on the card... you guys r the best because i will nv forget what we went thru together..

Next, thanks to Coco, Ardi, Lester and Dear for giving me a great time in MOS, thanks for making me drunk for the first time.. i will never forget the feeling and the taste of
Amsterdam..

LASTLY, THANKS EVERYBODY FOR YOUR PRESENTS,WISHES,HUGS,KISSES,CARDS,CAKES,COOKIES,SMSES,MSGSES AND SURPRISES!! I WILL NOT FORGET MY 18 BDAE DUE TO YOU GUYS!!

p/s. Special thanks to Auf for the drive and Sholih for the bartler service.
pp/s. Thanks to CHAI XINYI for that SWEET gift. It made me cry like as if tears are free. ilu gf!
ppp/s. Thanks Dear for all the planning. =)) EMILY ROCKS!

2006-11-26T23:36:00.000+08:00

Finally everything is over. i don't know whether to celebrate, or to frown. I am sorry if i havent gave my best, i am sorry things turned out a different way, i am sorry i failed to give everyone the best night ever. I am disappointed as you are, or double, because it reflects on what a leader i am. Somethings are meant to be a learning process, and i have gladly learnt alot from it. No matter what, a BIG thanks to those under me, you guys have tried your best and i know. A BIG THANKS to those who came down just for this event, fly down all the way and fly back. I AM SO SORRY AND THANKFUL PEOPLE!

there'snothingicandoanymore.

2006-11-10T00:10:00.001+08:00

Tears

Why do i hear myself breaking

when you admit that to me.

Am i falling right through this trap;

but this really shouldn't be.

Nothing shall happen

Nothing of this sort.

Tell me, tell me this isn't true

All i wanna do,

is to stay this blue.

Un-spoken words

Even if i don't speak

it doesn't mean i'm dumb.

My thoughts are still running,

like the river;

ever-flowing

'i cried

2006-10-29T00:20:00.000+08:00

I miss Jonathan Leong.
A little of Hady Mirza too.
And I pronounced myself,
as a deadly idol-maniac.
P.S You give me wings when i'm falling. Should I stay, or should I go?

2006-10-22T23:54:00.000+08:00

alright, before 23rd Oct arrvies, i wanna wish <3 and Dora Piak! a very happy sassy 19th bdae!! Hope you two enjoyed the surprise we gave you, especially the the 3-digit dedication, and the stripping off underwear and ***.

Had really a fun and meaningful Sat. the whole morning and afternoon, was at beauty world collecting funds for Children's Aid Society. It was nice to see many Singaporeans being so generous and helpful. For me, it was my first experience doing Flag Day, i really enjoyed it. =) At 4.30pm, I headed to Suntec City together wif Auf, getting everything ready for <3 and Dora surprise! haha... Thanks Everyone for coming down and making my plan a success, Special Thanks to AUF, for helping me out alot in the planning and co-ordinating.

i am hoping now, that i don't get my retribution on my birthday. =X

2006-10-20T00:20:00.000+08:00

Mood: Real happy. =)

alright. finally, i hope it's all over. for the time being. Am feeling really blessed and loved and cared for yesterday and today. Thanks to Casper for tagging with concern. Thanks to Dearest Van for asking me repeatedly if i am fine, and also for that sweet short blog post. Thanks to Yan for always trying to make me smile. Thanks to Ani(my bitch) for sending me that surprising n shocking n touching little sms. Thanks to Lin and June for making today's outing such a crazy one. Gals, i'm really fine already. Well, happiness is short-lived i believe. But no matter what, i'll always remember the things that you guys did for me. I really appreciate every little words, gifts, hugs or advices. =DD ((=

BIG BIG KISS AND HUG TO MY BESTIE CUM GIRLFRIEND!! She was the one who talked me out that fateful night, and you noe what?? She purposely got me a gift just to MAKE ME SMILE. you're so sweet girl, <3!!

A jar of smiling cookies!! =)) *BIG SMILES*

I may never find another friend whom is as sweet and caring as you. really i dunno how to thank you enough. never is enough, seriously.

once again,
<3s many.

2006-10-18T00:14:00.000+08:00

i've been thinking especially alot today. many negative thoughts have been running through my mind, even up till now. i thought i'd broken through my own self and got back on track, but up to today, i realised that all the while i've been masking myself through every single day. why is it always these same old things bothering me? can't my brain just stop processing such thoughts for at least one day? i know there's no point telling this to anybody, because i jolly well know that the only one who can help is me, MYSELF. i guess no one really know how i am feeling everyday. When I smile and laugh happily, it doesn't always mean im really happy. If you're observant or sensitive enough, you can see through me. The reason why I masked my emotions behind my smiles, is because there's no point affecting the people around you with your own funny cranky negative feelings. At this point of time, i'm making a real BIG decision. This decision may affect my entire life, many other third parties, and probably myself. It's time for me to come down with a pact with myself, do or not to do?

well, this is just one of my "down" entry. i just thought i need to write it down somewhere before my thoughts run even wilder.

allineednowismy'light'.

2006-10-17T00:48:00.000+08:00

Today ain't a cool day.
because school has re-opened.
darn to whoever whom made the law that school has to re-open.
just close it forever can. i mean studies.

i am burning the school down. who wanna be my accomplice?

2006-10-14T00:38:00.000+08:00

13th of oct;black friday. 2 of my fren's bdae fell on this day, Coco and Xinyi. HAPPY BDAE TO THESE TWO GIRLS!! =) Anyway, was out on the 12th for the whole day and night. Was at Vivo City wif him until my best friend called me up. She dated me out to clarke quay for a drinks or teo with her cousin, qi. haha..of cos i agreed readily, for it has been my wish to have some social drinks before 'bore' happens. so yea, rushed home, changed, and off i went in my dad's car, with bro and mum being the 'chaffeaur' of mine. Met up the both of them...and oh may i side track a little? *Hulla Eric(Xinyi u noe who right!)* And snaps, we settled down at a nice cosy pub called "Asylum". I finally had tequila, oh god..its digusting. Xinyi's Mango Magarita and Qi's Lychee Martini was good though. I should go for ladies' drinks in future. We then decided to move to another pub for a change. With a mind of wanting to 'tiko' the bouncer, I suggested "One Night Stand". haha...that place was damn noisy but woots~ super high! Later on, we moved on from clarke quay to boat quay to esplanade then to bt panjang. Along the way we had some good quality girls' talk. haha...finally reached home at 6+am, feeling abit seh and tired, i crashed into my 'bird nest'.

Agree with them for halloween party. haha finally! =) Dear Best Friend, hope you enjoyed this little quiet san ren shi jie 18th bdae celebration. your present is still with me, claim it soon. Nevertheless, thanks for allowing me to spend ur bdae with u.

Yours Truly,
Oldest Best Friend Living.

2006-10-10T23:07:00.000+08:00

Early morning today, we(Auf,Lester,Ardi,Edward,Edwin,Sholih,Ayub,Din,Shingo,Syaz,Farhana and myself) bid a touching and memorable farewell to Micheal. Well, was at the airport yesterday's night already actually. Met up with the few earlybirds at ard 9+pm, lepak around, joke and laugh and more lepak. Soon, we started fooling people, or rather, we played a good game of catching and hide and seek in the aiport, Terminal 1 and 2. haha..it was fun man...but quite irritating to those kena fooled la. In the end, our councils split up to dunno how many grps sia...

Guffaws! I did not have my dinner last night, neither did i had my bfast and lunch today. Isn't that cool? I am fasting man! Like real. Soon, after lepak-ing for a few hrs, it was time to give Micheal a surprise appearance. Well, i think he expected it anyway. Took some grp fotos, gave a few farewell shakes and wishes. The time still have to come. Together with his family and 3 classmates, we walked him to the departure gate. Standing in a close circle like a close family, we presented him our lil gift(haha) and my hand-made card. There and then, we sang the club song together, in one voice. It's the first time after hearing the song for sooo many times, it really touches me deep down. Yes, we started off with this song, we went thru shits with the song, now, we have to end it with this song too.

Take good care Micheal; Xiao Quan. 31st misses you, loves you, and will be waiting for your return. Our brother, a good friend.

2006-10-02T01:52:00.000+08:00

For him, will rest in peace.
With my deepest condolence,
I will be praying,
for you, and for him; your loved.

Amitabha. Amen.

2006-09-29T00:06:00.000+08:00

well, woke up at a nice time this morning. 8.45am. it's been dunno-how-long since i'd taken the effort to wake up EARLY. Met up wif ardi at CCK, and headed down to Jalan Bertera campsite to do some recee. My my, ain't that place super deserted, which gives me a feeling that I am in the suburbs of Singapore.( I don't think Sg has any, dun tell me Sentosa) Oh well, we had to walk a big wide sandy route of 1.2km(according to Haniff) before reaching the place. Okays, let not make myself sound pathetic, it's a good morning exercise though. yea, in JEANS. Just realised today that Sarimbun Campsite is just beside Jalan Bertera. Reflecting back, i miss Sarimbun. My Sec. 1 orientation camp was held there. would never forget that first experience being outdoors and dirty and itchy and cold and all. I remember that we have to go through 17 humps in total before reaching the campsite.

HEY THE HUMPS R GONE NOW!

2006-09-28T00:38:00.000+08:00

Had a wonderful day today! =) Met up wif "seng ekt". haha.. my best friend for 5 yrs and going. It's been banana years since we had such a meet-up like this, like our old days. I so good leh, tk train all the way to bugis to accompany her buy her stupid eyeliner. haha..and she's late AGAIN. i mean forever. =X Just for bout 10 mins, then we headed to IMM. There's quite a drastic change down dere in IMM. well, the extension wing is ready, more shops to be precise. hurhur, next time bring sayang go. =) When we just reached there, we saw Jiening; seng ekt's sis, together with her fren. we splited ways for a while, but met up afterwards for dinner at Kopitiam. Miss laughing with you, gossiping bout lil. things, grumbling bout anything. Thanks gurl, my forever best friend. I think no1 can talk to me like how you do, because no1 grew tgth with me except you. Others do not know why i behave like this, but you know and you treat it so normally, becos u noe tt's me. I love you, CHIA XINYI! =DD

Part two; S'g Idol

2006-09-26T23:27:00.000+08:00

Ok...let's just say i am not so happy with the results. I am not contradicting my previous stand, but this is afterall a competition, and there has to be a winner. However, i was hoping/expecting the winner to be Jon. There are many reasons though. Firstly, i seriously think that Hady is too much of a similar person to Taufik. Isn't is better to have a fresh new icon for Singapore, who can give out a different charisma and image? Secondly, I think Jon is more marketable compared to Hady. He has a strong, unique and good voice which people will appreciate better, can relate to more. In addition, his rocker good looks gives him a strong standing in the entertainment industry.

Alright, i shall not be one-sided. Hady is good looking too(well,he looks like Taufik), his voice is no-need-to-ask-you-know-it's-good, he can start his career immediately(maybe this is the reason becos Jon still has to study for one more sem).

Anyway, we cannot change reality. I am still proud of Hady and Jon. No matter what, they both get contract and they both are winners(quoted from Ken Lim). So yea, still looking forward to their albums, or any autograph sessions. I have yet to give Jon the thing.

Oh yea, talking bout tt night. I was in the morshpit (which means those people standing around the stage, those who are nearest to the idols)! ISNT TT DAMN COOL?? I was amongst Jon's fans and they are wonderfully FANTASTIC!! SCREAM AND SHOUT like as if noone cares. Got to shake a few idols' hands, including Gurmit's. lol...will never forget tt special feelin. how i wish the night never ends..

2006-09-25T14:18:00.000+08:00

"If you continue to sing like that, you're going to make it."
"Every little thing you do is magic."
"From singer to singer, I can say I'm really impressed."
"You have the X-factor."
"I'll be seeing you at the finals."

Does these words of encouragement sound very familiar to you? YES! It's Singapore Idol!!
Went for the Finals at indoor stadium ytd, and it was a POOFF!!!BLASTINGLY CRAZY NIGHT! It was so much a diff. watching it live at the scene than at home. the fans were crazy, the hosts were crazy, the music were hot, the idols were macho, i was mad, he was even mad-der,the WHOLE HOUSE ROCK!!! i am truly soooooooo proud of the 2 idols, the 2 handsome dude,the 2 lovely guys, our 2 impressive fellow singaporeans; JON & HADY! Right now, i hope no1 wins and no1 loses. i jus love both of them like how i love my bed. later will be going down for the results show. it will be another breath-taking night. can't wait..! =)) GUYS, PLS VOTE IF U CAN. Sms 1 to 43657(Jon), or sms 2 to 43657(Hady).

SAY SAY SAY!

2006-09-21T00:35:00.000+08:00

been looking around for Miami Vice's postcard or poster. seems like it's so hard to locate it. well, was thinking if i should get its soundtrack, or continue hunting for the poster, or just, HONEY LEMON drink? well, in case you guys are thinking who am i giving these stuff to? Hmm, it's Jon. I know he LOVES Miami Vice, and i know he drinks honey lemon drink for good throat. so yea, am going to the last meet and greet session this sat, will give it to him then.Anyway will be calling up PopcornPop tmr at Suntec to find out if they sell the poster there. Hope it does!!Can't wait for Sat to come. Hee...love you dear!

Chu <3

2006-09-16T23:36:00.000+08:00

i am so happy today. so!

Firstly, i got to meet with the S'g Idol Top 2 finalists today at Cineleisure X)
Secondly, i incidentally was the Top 50 people to be in the queue.
Thirdly, coincidentally i got A PAIR OF TICKETS TO THE FINALS AT INDOOR STADIUM!
Fourthly, i got their signature on the giveaway posters.
Lastly, i shall keep this little happiness to myself. XD

The rocker VS The sentimental.
The white VS the blue.
Who will you vote?
Who do you want to win?

I stand neutral. LOVEYOUBOTH!

2006-09-16T02:23:00.000+08:00

my stupidity.
my foolishness.
my actions.
my thoughts.

stop thinking otherwise. will you?

2006-09-14T02:15:00.000+08:00

you know what? i dislike myself when i start fantasising, too much.

it's been this way since forever ago,

but then again, don't FANTASIZE bout the impossible.

-slaps myself back to reality, the cruel real world.-

2006-09-12T23:33:00.000+08:00

and everytime i touch,

i get this feeling.

[annoymous]

2006-09-11T01:53:00.000+08:00

i HATE what i am feeling now.

DUMBASS!

2006-08-26T22:32:00.000+08:00

I was staring into the sky when night falls just now. suddenly, some random thoughts came to me. i was thinking...why must our day starts when the sun rises, why cant we begin everyday during the dark...when everything is at peace..when the birds flock home...when the air remains still..when the chicks does not look for its mum...when the dusk become dawn. To me, the sun gives us the hope in life.. the brightness it gives out each single day...somehow...become something for most people take granted for. Not many can appreciate the beauty of the sun rise anymore, and more than never, it leads to several not cherishing the precious-ness of life. If only, one day we start off with the night. only then, we could really know how to find the light in our heart...we will know how to head on and follow our heart. till then, those who never took a minute in their lives, to reflect how much time they have wasted being sad, being angry, blaming Fate, to treasure that "hope" that the sun gives us. To end off with a lil. note: The sun is my bestest friend, but i love the beauty and the serenity of night-fall.

2006-08-22T01:15:00.000+08:00

IT'S TIME TO PARTY BABY!!! finally, after a long run, after a tiring hurdle, i pulled through! I am giving myself a GOOD break, i promise. No more stress, no more dealines, no more assignments, no more shit, for at least a month. I'm heading down to the beach soon, together with the sun, i'm planning to finish my jian chi book, and my ge dou tian wang. i need to do some good catching up with friends. (girls, it's you) i need to dry up the water in the pool, i need to bomb my tv, i need to spoil my ear drum with those good music. i need to drown myself with a few good drinks, i need to watch ALL the latest movies in the box. i need to spend more time with sayang. i need to....SLEEP like i've never been before. i need to run and work out and burn away those fats. oh, i need to dye my hair black.......

2006-08-15T00:45:00.000+08:00

Today was a fulfiling day for me. hehe... went studying for DLE with xinyi at sch's library. BUT SHIT, some INCONSIDERATE ppl spoil my freaking day. firstly some SMELLY ppl polluted the whole Montessori room b4 us... took up out time slot till dunwan apologise. NVM. then while we were studying happily, some nuisance beside us were talking like as if that is their house, or a market. blardi shit, i shouted many times but still they nv hear..luckily i can tk it, if not i wld hav went over n blown them upside down. pls la, u wan to talk you go somewhere else to talk, i dun care if u fart like a bomb maching in the toilet, but lib. is a place for u to study and keep you mouth shut, so pls jolly well do so. PHEW* but nvm, i somehow completed studying for DLE. but of cos mus go thru many more times.. i hav bad memory plus some partial senile symptoms. haha... tmr studying wif yanyan at JE lib..will be a FRUITFUL day too!! -cheese-

2006-08-10T22:34:00.000+08:00

9/8/2006. a day to commemorate and celebrate Singapore's 41st Birthday!! Happy bdae once again Singapore!! I'm soo proud to be a Singaporean. On this day, I went to Kallang Stadium to watch NDP 2006!! All thanks to Chen Yihui for the tickets!!! My first time attending NDP, the feeling the adrenaline the crowd the night the fireworks the funpack the screams the shouts the SINGAPOREANS were absolutely AWESOME!! PRETTY!! POWER-PACT!! NDP 2006 WHORES!! First time i feel so singaporean, first time i feel so proud singing the national anthem, first time i wan to shout out I LOVE SINGAPORE!! Majulah Singapura, onward singapore!

2006-08-08T23:42:00.000+08:00

Did God created Man (or in Layman's term, GUYS) to hurt us woMAN? I'm sorry i may sound that im sterotyping but i think some GUYS r JERKS! They dont noe wtf they say hurt girls in some way or another, may it be directly or indirectly. PLS USE YOUR BRAIN, IF NOT YOUR ASS TO THINK! PLS BE SENSITIVE ENOUGH TO MINIMIZE THE HURT YOU CAN INFLICT ON GIRLS!! **i'm sorry if any guys chance upon this, if u dun tink it applies to you, then ignore** Today poor star/milktea/xinyi got a BIG PROBLEM caused by some JERK. Dun worry ok girl, we will stand by you. dun be bothered with jerks, becos jerks are just 2 letters diff. from JUNKS. we dun care bout junks right, so same goes to jerks. (Layman's term Bastard) RMB WAD I SAY?? The stars in the sky never fail to shine. =)) Today xy pei me go eat dinner..hehe..had a heart to heart talk.. it's been a long long time since we did that.. Thx girl for offering to pei me... *so sweet* Girl ah, dun everyday hide your sorrows behind your smiles okay. i'd rather you hide your smiles behind your sorrows. at least i know you REALLY okay... but then i noe its diff. becos i do the same as you too... but nvm ok... YU GUO JIU TIAN QING!!

lovelove.

2006-08-05T23:42:00.000+08:00

i want to scream this out AGAIN!!! "I'M UN-CAGED!!!!" i feel like a jailed-bird, finally set out from cage..assignments goodbye! i DO NOT want to see you again!! Okay..ytd was meant to be a happy for everyone and me, becos all those yunky-sunky assignments all gone. but...i wasnt happy at all..becos smth affected me terribly..for those who noe..thx for consoling me...but im fine now..=) Specially thx to Yanyan, for tt Yuppi Gummi Worm sweet, though its smth small and common, but your concern brighten up my day! love ya girl, i ate tt sweet with lotsa feelings and smiles. =D Thx miLkTea(XY) for leaving me a SWT note on ur blog,im so touched by it..hehe...SMUACHS! Thx Snow(Xue) for ur concerns, consoles, and swt thoughts. i cant frown when you smile..hehe..

Today went miLkTea house do las proj..haha...wasnt stress at all in fact v funny...we talk alot, together wif miLkTea' mummy and snow. *CREDITS to Chia Mother!!* your BIGIBIIG help is sososososo much appreciated! in fact, me and snow lyk slacking sia! lol...bz drinking and yakking away...but at least got do SMTH u noe..SMTH! haha.. cant wait to slp now....... its been a long long time since we ever got a good long slp, right girls? =)

2006-08-02T22:26:00.002+08:00

I cant believe there's such a person living on earth........

I cant believe you think you're so matured, becos i think u r the most childish one.
I cant believe you think you're always right, becos i think u r 99% just trying to get your way.
I cant believe you think you're so BIG DEAL, becos i think you've tot too highly of urself.
I cant believe you are saying ppl r selfish, becos i think you r the MOST selfish one.
And now i know why, becos u r practically just CRASHING wif people.

OMG. and i've to know you........

2006-07-30T01:06:00.000+08:00

10 things i WANT to do during HOLIDAYS!

1) Get a good tan

2) Go beaching!

3) Shop till i am happy

4) Catch up with people i've not met for a long time.

5) TAI TAI HIGH TEA!

6) Read my Tony Sun's " Jian Chi" book!!

7) Watch finish "Ge Dou Tian Wang"

8) SLEEP GOOD!

9) Swim and Gym! (fats!)

10) be a COUCH POTATO!! (hee~)

YEAYS!! my well-planned holidays!! WOOTS~

2006-07-26T23:53:00.000+08:00

Life has been freaking stressful, especially recently. suddenly theres SOOO much to do, yet theres SOOO little time left. im so tensed up that i sometimes cry when there is noone around.. i barely have time for anything else... everything in my mind is assignments and projects and deadlines. I've been neglected sooo much in my life... sometimes i think im even neglecting myself. who on globe told me Poly aiya very slack one la...MY FOOT BABY! i think its lyk 100x more intense than JC can! Hereby, i want to say sorry really very sorry to the following people/things, for neglecting so much so many...

1) Sorry Dear Sayang, tmr is our day, yet i hav to sacrifice our time together to do proj... im really so sorry..but everything will be over soon. let's JIA YOU together ok? loveyou. =)

2) Sorry TAS, my 'beloved' 2nd home. Been MIA for quite long... becos of projs also... sorry PROs for not attending member's act. Sorry 3rd trip organisers, i wasnt dere to help you guys... i will be back soon!

3) Sorry Ardi! You've been wanting to meet me to discuss our Ann nite stuff..but i always need to rush off and all.. dun worry we will mk it a success no matter what ok? I will not MIA and leave you to everything de... JIA YOU =))

4) Sorry to Melvin, Cassie and clique, couldnt meet you all soon... alot things are piling up... i really miss you guys though!!! HAPPY BDAE CAS!!! im sry i cant celebrate wif u!! but then, BDAE *HUGS* hAppy 18th bdae!!! can watch M18 shows FINALLY!!

5) LASTLY, I MISS YOU BED & TV!! been so long since i "connect" with you guys... miss me? heheh.. =Pp

Haiz, cant wait for next week to come...den everything will end... JIA YOU MAX!

2006-07-23T22:09:00.000+08:00

Top 5 Man artistes/Stars I adore

Tony Sun Xie Zhi
JJ Lin Jun Jie
Hong Jun Yang
Zax Wang Ren Fu
Vincent Ng Qing Hai

*~Connects~*

2006-07-16T22:59:00.000+08:00

To my-once-very-close-bestfriend : Have been reading your blog...so glad for you that now you have found your confidante once more..your honey and sweetie =) i can see that you are enjoying their company...living each day with them happily. Still misses those sec. days with you..the only wish i haf for you now is finding a good boiboi... but i noe u FOUND le right? ;)

Thanks Dear Van for checking on me every now and then..am truly touched by that. *smuachs* i'm really fine, really... Hope you're too!! Rmb what i smsed that aftn, there's a sliver lining in every dark cloud? =) More drinking nights and screaming down SIM hill-slope?

I seriously dun mind being alone. Seeing all my friends happy, seeing ppl smile, is enough. I can be alone...anyway that has been my life since young? Few know about this...and i dun want to rmb all these also. Maybe i've long resigned to Fate? No1 can help..im numbed to such matters. Leave me alone...Let me be....

2006-07-11T00:11:00.000+08:00

Viva! Give me back my fantasy. My world's become so empty..the days are so broken lonely. I may seem i've forgotten all about it. People prob, people ask, I say Im alright Im okay. =)) is what I do to hide my sorrows. I am someone with many faces, I change my mask to suit the situation. I am good at acting, I am good at masking away my tears off my face. I've no choice, because you left me at it. You left me with this.

2006-07-04T23:31:00.000+08:00

i just feel lyk breaking down...these feelings are coming down hard on me. i feel like im alone. YES I AM. maybe you'll never see me around again,anywhere. i'd enough of these. leave me ALONE for all you want. i don't bother anymore..let me submit myself to Fate...because no1 will understand...no1 will understand how i feel.

2006-07-02T00:13:00.000+08:00

desvanecimiento - A spanish word for "Fading". A word that describes how i am feeling now.... I'm fadin away... We are fading apart...

2006-06-29T23:25:00.000+08:00

call me petty if u want to. i dont care. call me childish if u need to. i dont give a damn. call me a person who dun understands. like as if you do. call me name me say me whatever you want to. becos u AINT better.

Stop acting pitiful. because even if the whole world thinks im wrong, i wont pity u.

2006-06-28T23:02:00.000+08:00

i really dunno wat to say anymore. im not sad..im not angry..im not disappointed..im not grieved. those tears came just becos i've not been crying for long...dun worry those tears ain't for you. i jus feel like a STUPID idiot, putting so much into this friendship...yet.......NVM...if u can be selfish, then be it. if u really want things this way, no one can stop you. u've made this selfish decision, so be it. i can't stop you, and i don't bother to. you chose to let go of this friendship, i grant your wish. Goodbye, thanks for all the fun and laughter and tears you've given me for the past 1yr+. Hope you will be really happy after this. I won't miss you, i promise.

*Even though i noe u may not read this, but *HUGGG*. my last promise to you.

2006-06-25T23:45:00.000+08:00

have not been blogging for a week or so... was away for a trip to Kelantan; Gunung Stong, with TAS. ALOT ALOT happened, many lessons learnt. Things cock up last minute, scheldule was kinda screwed up...but lyk what we learn, we cover each other's asses. Conquering Gunung Stong was kinda an achievement to me and everyone else, a tough and challenging trek which REALLY show what endurance was all about. Never-ending steep route, with extreme heavy load on our backs, the rain, the mud, the deadly mosquitos, the leaking tents, the leeches, the quarrels, the fights, the trash-talks, the long but yet wonderful train ride. I shall never forget all these, for it made a significant change in many. Improvements were seen tremendously, though there's still unhappiness, but well..these r just part and parcels through life. Some bad memories etched in me personally, dun wish to point it out here. But to that person, my great friend of mine..i hope you know what,why and who i cried for. If u think that I am silly or stupid to do that, that's your problem. I cry becos i care. That's all. I can't ctrl your life, it's ur choice. I'm just very disappointed in you, for you know why.

P.S I hate it when I treat someone as my good friend, but all I get back, is not what I expect. Reciprocal relationship is what I am looking for. If you can't even do that, I am sorry but I have to let go of our frienship.

2006-06-18T14:46:00.000+08:00

Feeling much, or at least better than before. thanks to my DEAR fren that she talked to me. U're the one that brighten up my day..thanks for being concern bout me..and sharing to me all the FUN u'd and i missed out. I'm right now hoping for something that i'd always NEVER, my birthday! hahah...because i wanna go some place and do somethings that i CANT now. OH YES, my birthday is WELL-PLANNED like way before the actual day..so im sooo excited and practically going mad about the arrival. 0712, im so gonna ENJOY myself till i drop. Thx ALOT dEaRR fren for being willing to make my wish come TRUE. =))

i cant wait, because im so HIGH right now. =DDD

2006-06-17T23:15:00.000+08:00

So, finally after many many months of "hiding" my feelings, i broke down yesterday. i don't want to say what happened. Just that somethings, it's too overwhelming for me to take,anymore. I had made my decisions, set it clear. Im just thankful to my v.president cum my good buddie, for telling me all those. it may mean nothing to anybody, but to me, at least i know who's there for me...and who really understands my position.

We're a part, not apart. Does this still means anything to you people? No.

2006-06-15T20:45:00.000+08:00

i'm feeling so-my-blogskin now. i was happy for a moment, but i guess emo is still me. those feelings are BACK to HAUNT me. emo, emo-ing, emotions, emo-ting, emo-ted..whatever. don't ask me why, what, how or whatnot. i'm not saying because i don't know. you don't have to understand because it doesn't concerns you.

-Tears do not come, unless your feelings are real.

2006-06-14T23:40:00.000+08:00

Another revamp of blogskin. Finally found 1 that i LOVED. If till now you still dunno who's the real me inside? "Read" this blogskin. It speaks my life, my feelings, my reason for living, my everything.

*Ignore the cigarette though, i don't smoke.

2006-06-01T23:08:00.000+08:00

woah woah wth...last update 17th april..1 mth plus since i've updated. uh-oh...anyway i update cos of 2 special guests in my tagboard... Melvin and mei ^ ^ MEI AH...if u see this, better contact me soon kaes!! =D Life's been making big changes here and there.. now in year 2...assignments r piling up like as if the lecturers are too free... and now.. as part of TAS family, more responsibilities, more work... I live life as each day goes... Sometimes i feel like a lost sheep among the herd. I've yet to find tt direction i need.. it seems that the harder i ty to find, the more it wouldnt come. Like time always fly past so quickly, half a semester is almost gone.. so much hav happened... hav i grown, or am i just stoning at the same place? That 2 weeks holidays, hope to meet up wif ppl i've not seen for a long time. Elina..Melvin & Gang.. MEI!! Lay, ah lay, yuki, ah peng... Miss u ppl!!

*-[Secretive-emo.s]-*

goodbye world..

Part two; S'g Idol

-[Secretive-emo.s]-